One of the hardest lesson for me to learn is to love and to be loved in return. I never understood that song until now. And it really is hard for me. It doesn't make sense to others but I think I need to give up who I think I am to be someone I was meant to be according to God's will.
These past few days have been filled with heartbreaking reflection and realization brought to me by people who are near and dear. I'm learning about my flaws and am still learning to give up myself to God.
I fully believe that God will take care of it all even though right now, I don't know what's going on. I just know that I have a lot to learn and that God still hasn't given up on me.
It's going to be okay.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Day 255
I wrote this around four years ago and now that I've been given back this new batch of letters, they speak to me as if it were written to be read at this moment.
It is called "The Boy and the Girl."
Once upon a time, a boy and a girl fell in love and were too lazy to get back up, so they sat and watched a sunset. They waited till the sun gave way to the stars.They sat and sat, happy as could be, not wanting to be anywhere else in the world.
They were content and thought that everything was as it should be, but a dark and forbidding cloud loomed ahead. There was no use to deny for they both knew this could not last forever. One day they had to part. There will be many trials and hardship along the way of four long years.
Nothing would be said with certainty and nothing could be done to prevent the unseen. There will be many maybes, perhaps, and perchances. There will be doubts about the ffuture. Questions would arise without answers, answers will come without assurance, and assurance would come, but without reason. There will be may unknowns, mysteries and untrodden bends in the road.
Sincere promises are made, but both wonder and fear. But a promise is a vow. A vow is a commitment. A commitment must have an agreement. If they boy and the girl agree, then there would be hope. They will anticipate with excitement for what may come. They will look to tomorrow with a smile because they have each other there.
They ask many unspoken questions. Could this feeling last? Would we be able to stand the test of time? Are we meant to be? Will changes distant us? Will we grow out of love? will we learn to love someone else? What is the price of this love?
And here are the spoken answers. Feelings are not made to to last, but love is. Time exist, but not for love. God will be. Changes will bring new beginnings. Certainly they will grow, but you can never grow out, it is impossible, you can only grow more You must always learn to love someone else. Love costs time. Everything worthwhile takes time. Time is rare, treasured and incomparable. And so is love.
There will be excitement in the unknowns, wonders in the mysteries, and beauty in untrodden paths. Lessons should be learned, differences could be made, and dreams would be fulfilled.
They know they have separate paths to take. It was already planned in advance for them. And perhaps God has already planned for them to meet at a crossroad. But whatever tomorrow may bring, there will be without fail, a sunrise.
And he added at the bottom,
"I'm waiting for that sunrise and hoping on that crossroad."
Sept 10th. 4:45Am
I don't know where I am on this path but I know that even though I choose my steps, God maps my path. And He's there every step of the way.
God, if this was what You wanted, change my heart and show me the way. I am ready to follow you.
It is called "The Boy and the Girl."
Once upon a time, a boy and a girl fell in love and were too lazy to get back up, so they sat and watched a sunset. They waited till the sun gave way to the stars.They sat and sat, happy as could be, not wanting to be anywhere else in the world.
They were content and thought that everything was as it should be, but a dark and forbidding cloud loomed ahead. There was no use to deny for they both knew this could not last forever. One day they had to part. There will be many trials and hardship along the way of four long years.
Nothing would be said with certainty and nothing could be done to prevent the unseen. There will be many maybes, perhaps, and perchances. There will be doubts about the ffuture. Questions would arise without answers, answers will come without assurance, and assurance would come, but without reason. There will be may unknowns, mysteries and untrodden bends in the road.
Sincere promises are made, but both wonder and fear. But a promise is a vow. A vow is a commitment. A commitment must have an agreement. If they boy and the girl agree, then there would be hope. They will anticipate with excitement for what may come. They will look to tomorrow with a smile because they have each other there.
They ask many unspoken questions. Could this feeling last? Would we be able to stand the test of time? Are we meant to be? Will changes distant us? Will we grow out of love? will we learn to love someone else? What is the price of this love?
And here are the spoken answers. Feelings are not made to to last, but love is. Time exist, but not for love. God will be. Changes will bring new beginnings. Certainly they will grow, but you can never grow out, it is impossible, you can only grow more You must always learn to love someone else. Love costs time. Everything worthwhile takes time. Time is rare, treasured and incomparable. And so is love.
There will be excitement in the unknowns, wonders in the mysteries, and beauty in untrodden paths. Lessons should be learned, differences could be made, and dreams would be fulfilled.
They know they have separate paths to take. It was already planned in advance for them. And perhaps God has already planned for them to meet at a crossroad. But whatever tomorrow may bring, there will be without fail, a sunrise.
And he added at the bottom,
"I'm waiting for that sunrise and hoping on that crossroad."
Sept 10th. 4:45Am
I don't know where I am on this path but I know that even though I choose my steps, God maps my path. And He's there every step of the way.
God, if this was what You wanted, change my heart and show me the way. I am ready to follow you.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Day 224
I am so glad for friends. Just being around them make me feel happy and loved. The fact that there are people willing to hug me without even knowing why. And for those who do know what has happen, I thank them for their understanding, empathy and presence.
They do comfort me. But God comforts me with his rod and his staff. They protect, guide, comfort and counts me. He knows when I'm lost, in need of help, in need of hope, in need of love and in need of shelter. He knows best and he will lead me to quiet waters and I will be content.
Thank you God.
And retail therapy doesn't hurt. Six beautiful pairs of shoes to add to my collection.
They do comfort me. But God comforts me with his rod and his staff. They protect, guide, comfort and counts me. He knows when I'm lost, in need of help, in need of hope, in need of love and in need of shelter. He knows best and he will lead me to quiet waters and I will be content.
Thank you God.
And retail therapy doesn't hurt. Six beautiful pairs of shoes to add to my collection.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Day 223
We broke up today. I miss him. But it's going to be okay because God is in the center. It's going to be okay because he knows what is best for me and what is best for him.
He will always be my best friend. I am praying that he will be a Godly person and that he fixes his relationship with God first before anything. He feels angry and displeased with God and he doesn't understand what's going on. He needs to focus on him and not on our relationship. This is one of the reasons we need to break up.
I need to focus on God and making myself right with him for Him alone. I need to become a better and caring person in my relationships instead of just pushing them away. I need to learn how to care in a way that is felt. Lord, teach me to do that.
It's going to be okay. Just breathe. God is in the center. It's going to be okay.
Today is September 6th 2009. We have dated for four years and a half. We broke up at 2:50 am.
It's going to be okay.
He will always be my best friend. I am praying that he will be a Godly person and that he fixes his relationship with God first before anything. He feels angry and displeased with God and he doesn't understand what's going on. He needs to focus on him and not on our relationship. This is one of the reasons we need to break up.
I need to focus on God and making myself right with him for Him alone. I need to become a better and caring person in my relationships instead of just pushing them away. I need to learn how to care in a way that is felt. Lord, teach me to do that.
It's going to be okay. Just breathe. God is in the center. It's going to be okay.
Today is September 6th 2009. We have dated for four years and a half. We broke up at 2:50 am.
It's going to be okay.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Day 222
Yesterday was a good day. I had a good talk with someone unexpected. It was really Providence because the things I had to say were not really from me but from the Holy Spirit. It was as if what I had to say was also what I had to realize and listen to as well.
God really works miracles. I'm not emotionally burnt out yet and I wonder if I will spread myself too thin. But I know I'm doing all these things for God and not for myself so I will rely on his strength. If I am doing his will he will equip me with the right traits.
I realize that my feelings are leaning elsewhere. I don't exactly try to curb it but I'm not in dangerous waters. Should I be extreme and break off contact? Or wait it out?
Someone told me that sometimes situations calls for inactions. When I am still I will see God move in my life.
God really works miracles. I'm not emotionally burnt out yet and I wonder if I will spread myself too thin. But I know I'm doing all these things for God and not for myself so I will rely on his strength. If I am doing his will he will equip me with the right traits.
I realize that my feelings are leaning elsewhere. I don't exactly try to curb it but I'm not in dangerous waters. Should I be extreme and break off contact? Or wait it out?
Someone told me that sometimes situations calls for inactions. When I am still I will see God move in my life.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Day 220
I cannot see and my heart fails me.
It has overtaken me and left me
Seemingly broken and lost,
But Your love will quiet me.
Please do not delay.
Thank you for being here even if I am just a silly girl. Be patient with me when You make Yourself known so clearly. My vision is blurred with inner turmoil and I don't know where to go anymore. Tunnels of thought lead no where and they keep going deeper. Where does it lead? Will it finally reach the heart of the matter?
When I find it, what will happen to me? Please be there.
I'm scared.
It has overtaken me and left me
Seemingly broken and lost,
But Your love will quiet me.
Please do not delay.
Thank you for being here even if I am just a silly girl. Be patient with me when You make Yourself known so clearly. My vision is blurred with inner turmoil and I don't know where to go anymore. Tunnels of thought lead no where and they keep going deeper. Where does it lead? Will it finally reach the heart of the matter?
When I find it, what will happen to me? Please be there.
I'm scared.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Day 218
Today I found out my professor died on August 26th.
The last time I saw him was a week before that. I got to say goodbye and I kept my promise to the end. I prayed for him like I said I would.
Sometimes we tell people we'll pray for them like it's no big deal. But it is. It's a promise that we have to keep. I learned that today. Prayers are a huge responsibilty and when we say we'll pray we have an obligation to do so... even when our prayers aren't answered. His will be done.
The last time I saw him was a week before that. I got to say goodbye and I kept my promise to the end. I prayed for him like I said I would.
Sometimes we tell people we'll pray for them like it's no big deal. But it is. It's a promise that we have to keep. I learned that today. Prayers are a huge responsibilty and when we say we'll pray we have an obligation to do so... even when our prayers aren't answered. His will be done.
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