Today

I couldn't stop crying.

Don't know what you're missing...

Til it's gone.

Man, I miss having my best friend around. It wasn't like I talked to him every single day but now that I can't contact him whenever I want to I notice how much I miss him. Especially now, when things are getting hectic and I'm piled up to my neck in work. Boo!

Exams, case studies, essays, unit plans blah blah blah. Life of a student. Well it won't be long when this is over and I might miss it too. Can't say I'm treasuring these moments though. I am kind of regretful that I didn't lead my student life the typical way. I didn't attend parties, make life long friends or join clubs. It wasn't bad mind you, just lack luster. Sometimes I wish I could afford going to school out of town. I wonder if I would be any different?

But this is what God planned and He knows best. I've got the rest of my life ahead of me. I wonder what I'm going to do next. I hope it will be more adventurous than my life as a student!

6 Months

We've been apart for 6 months before. I'm pretty sure we'll make it. Today was the day I started to feel better because you found out about this blog. I'm glad you know even though I felt a little exposed at first. But still, I'm glad.

Feeling glad about that makes me glad because it means I don't want to hide it from you anymore. This is because I want us to be the way we were before.

Thanks for loving me even after all that. I can wait. I'll be happy to wait now. Because at the end of it I'm hoping that we'll be there for each other.

Even though today was a sad day, I was still happy. Thank you.

Blargle

It's only been a week and I feel like I can't talk to you anymore. What's going to happen in half a year? We'll probably be strangers then.

I feel like we've had a role reversal. You're in the driver seat and you know where you need to go. You want time to think and to learn about yourself. Whereas I'm the voiceless passenger without a clue. I don't want to be dropped off in an unknown location to fend for myself. What a horrible analogy but I don't care for prose anymore. No one is going to read this pathetic blog anyways.

I call and I want to hang up when you answer. But I make stuff up. I lied quite a few times already. I want you to know I lied and yet I know the truth just makes it harder for you. I guess I just want you to know this isn't easy for me.

I still haven't written those letters. I don't feel like I've anything left to say.

I feel like I'm beginning a journey of self-destruction. I thought I was strong but clearly I'm not. I don't even like myself anymore.

If I were to write a letter to myself at this point in time I'd write:

"Hey,

You suck.

Change.

-W"

And I'd write to you:

"Good bye. You're better off without me."

The sad thing is... it's true.

Too many days to count

So I've stopped numbering the days of my posts. I'm probably wrong anyways.

But happy birthday blog. You're over a year old now. That's pretty impressive. But I've also started a new blog this year. One where I wouldn't mind family, friends and acquaintances stumbling upon.

It isn't that I'm ashamed of you or cheating on you per say. You're just too close to the truth for other people to know about.

Anyways. FYI and an update. I'm not going to see him for at least half a year starting this Saturday.

Yeah... I don't know how to feel about that either.

Story of my life

Too little too late.

Day 357

I find myself listening to songs and relating the lyrics to me and you. I smile, I reminisce, I cry, and my heart is bitter sweet.

My mind has moved forward but left my heart behind. My rational has convinced me but my emotions are in disarray. So I'm left standing in the middle of no where because there is no context, no pretenses, no future and no certainty.

The fine line gets thinner and my steps get clumsier. When will I fall? There is no doubt in my mind that I will. I only wonder how many pieces I will be able to pick up when it all shatters magnificently into thousands of little bits.