Day 339

Today marks the second snow fall of this winter. I spent the first one alone but I wished I was with someone. I chose to be alone for the second.

I think I could have potentially made a good friend. Perhaps in doing so I sacrificed another relationship. I want to say that I'm not sure what this means. The little inkling that I have bodes bad news. Am I running away again? Yes. Why? Because I don't want to live in confusion and guilt. I want to leave but the decent part of me tells me to stay. The rest of me thinks it'll be easier to just go. I'm still battling and now I'll be going in for another round. Either way, we're going to carry scars after all this is over.

I feel like the antagonist of a storyline. The one nobody likes and feels annoyed at. What a horrible character. Selfish, fickle, cold, manipulative and indecisive. It was going well and I rocked the boat when it seems as if we were cruising on quiet waters.

The storm outside is getting worse and I'm afraid it's a reflection of what's going on inside of me. All I can hope for is that when this is all over, I'll be blanketed in soft, white, fresh snow, and hidden for a little while from prying eyes until I'm ready to emerge in spring.